Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
