I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
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