Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Randomize
