So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
