I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
either way he was missing a nipple.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
