Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Randomize
