You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Holy shit dude........stairs
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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