I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
