can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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