he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
