Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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