going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
