some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Randomize
