Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
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