if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
