I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
