okay pat passed out under dana's car
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
