I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
