I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
