wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
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