Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
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