walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
