And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
