At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
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