they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
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