the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Little spoons don't ask big questions
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
It's blow job season.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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