i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
