dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
