Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
