Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
