well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
