I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize
