So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Randomize
