i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
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