maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Help. Why am I so naked?
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
