i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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