Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize