the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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