I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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