Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize
