I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
