Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
