I'm so fucking centered right now
I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize
