they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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