you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
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