just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
