If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
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I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
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