Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
