I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Randomize
