Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
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