As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
