I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize
