I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
