dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
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