I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
