Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
