god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
foreskin is a definite game changer
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
