how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
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