Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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