1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
