What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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