This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize
