I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Randomize
