I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
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