My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
Just dont open the beer drawer.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
21 People Reveal The Most Embarrassing Secrets They Know About Someone
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson