I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
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currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
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On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.