I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.