Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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