you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
